“I got my own back” – Maya Angelou
Well, what do ya know, school is officially back to give us a good ole’ bite in the ass. Although I’m over and done with the whole school thang- that doesn’t mean I don’t get the shivers every time I walk by a back-to-school notebook station at Walmart.
It’s times like these that I reminisce about those college days that I’ve not so recently put in the past. And even worse, the POST college days, which let me tell you, were a hell of a lot less fun and a hell of a lot more expensive. But we’ll save that for another post rant. For now, I’m here to bestow upon the interwebs what I wish I would’ve learned in college.
1.) Where do I apply for jobs?
Is Craigslist not where Fortune 500 companies post their openings? Wow, wish I knew that earlier.
2.) How much can I bullsh*t in a job interview?
Internships pretty much consisted of answering phones and making coffee, but they don’t actually want to hear that. Right?
3.) How many exclamation points is TOO MANY exclamation points via email?
Thank you so much for my interview today! I loved hearing about your company! Don’t these exclamation points make you want to give me the job!!!!!!
4.) How to make an insurance claim when you’ve totaled your car.
Who knew a fender bender could cause radiator damage? Not someone who doesn’t even know what a radiator is 😑
5.) How to use public transportation, once said car is totaled.
Why doesn’t the bus take my Visa?! What is this, JAIL?
6.) How to apply for a credit card.
If anyone could help me out with this one, my email is BrokeGirl1234@helpme.com
7.) Get a good credit score.
Same as #6. Help me, I’m poor…
8.) Actually know what a credit score is.
…and apparently a bigger idiot than the rest of the population.
9.) Negotiate a salary.
Unfortunately, those years of watching The Apprentice didn’t prepare me for this hurdle. (But apparently weirdly prepared me for the Presidential Debate. The world is a strange place…)
10.) Write a resignation letter.
AWKWARD epitomized in letter form.
11.) How to make new friends.
Finding quality friends in a new city will be the struggle of your post-grad life. That and about 20 other things- but don’t stress yourself out prematurely.
Until my next post detailing the plethora of other struggles I face on a daily basis…